On my mind~

Haven't been able to blog lately because all my pictures in iPhoto disappeared. I was able to find recover all but 2011. Thankfully I had a lot of those uploaded to other sites, but still there was some loss and I am a little sick about it. Which I feel stupid about. I have a wonderful life and family. Three beautiful children right in front of me everyday that I can touch and kiss, so why do I even need the photos. It's just how I am I guess, needing to look back at what they were years ago, almost like different little people. There is the possibility of finding them on the hard drive which we can still try.

We finally trimmed the tree this week. We always love it and this was Landen's first year. He didn't really understand how to get the ornaments on but we helped him and he was so proud when he did it! I do still have those pictures on my camera! But I have to say it wasn't one of my best nights. I don't think I ate very well that day, which happens sometimes when you are allergic to dairy. You can't just have some cereal or grab some yogurt for protein if you are out of meat. So I felt like I was a little snappy with the kids when they were snappy with each other and I went to bed feeling like I had ruined a fun family event. When I woke up the next morning and went downstairs everyone was already down there, Jeff and Mikayla ready to leave for work and school, Zach and Landen already up and running around. As I stumbled sleepily down the stairs, eyes barely open, Jeff came over and gave me a sweet kiss despite what I am sure was horrible morning breath. Mikayla came and gave me a hug which is pretty rare these days and seeing all the love Landen wanted a hug too and of course Zach never misses a chance for some love. All my people heaping love on me despite my crankiness from the night before. I surely didn't deserve it, but I felt so blessed that they loved me anyway. So blessed that they are so quick to forgive even when they have every reason not to.

It's wonderful to be able to look back at wonderful pictures and enjoy the memories, but it's more important for me to savor the moments I have right now. That's all I can really do anyway. Each moment is a gift and I need to learn to cherish that instead of the photos I may get of those moments. It is really stupid to try to get great photos of some fun family event while being cranky with everyone. "Stop fighting! Smile!"

Losing those pictures wasn't a surprise to God. I learned this week at Bible study about considering trials pure joy. I got a taste of it first had. I did not jump for joy when the pictures disappeared, I cried out to God for help and understanding. He wasn't punishing me though he was teaching what was truly important and I do consider it pure joy to have learned that lesson. I can't even say it was a harsh lesson, He did it in such a gentle way, far a more gentle than I am as a mother or a wife or a friend. What I consider pure joy is knowing that God is using the trials in my life to make me a better person and to give me a better life than I even deserve.

Enough rambling...off to enjoy some sweet moments with my babies!